Anonymous Postcard: Claims

		Claim No.: 004920080909 To: Kim Jong Il, Pyongyang Claim: Dear Leader, I have just heard about your stroke. That sucks! While I think that some of your policies are questionable, I have always been hip to your suits. After you start feeling better, I think that we should try and market them over here in the States. Who knows? Everyone could use a little extra scratch. Feel better!
		Claim No.: 004720080908 To: Occupants, 221 Main St., 6th Floor Claim: Don't talk on the cell phone in the elevator.
		Claim No.: 002720080822 To: Officer Paul Stephens of the San Marcos, TX PD Claim: When you found that a car you pulled over for speeding contained a dying dog being rushed to the hospital by its desperate owners, you said (on video) "It's just a dog. You can buy another one. Relax." For his part, Gandhi said "You can judge a society by the way it treats its animals." I guess that makes me a bad person for wanting to kick your ass.
		Claim No.: 006020080912 To: Clerk, Wigon Office Supply Claim: "Thumb Tack" is a better name for it than "Push Pin." It just is.
		Claim No.: 003720080905 To: Alice Waters, Slow Food Nation Claim: I was unfortunately quite frustrated with my experiences at your recent Slow Food Nation festival. Not that the food wasn't good...it was, of course. But the execution was not effective in achieving what I understood to be its outreach and advocacy-building efforts on the part of Slow Food principles. To me it was a lost, very high profile opportunity to take this movement to the next level by becoming more accessible to a broader audience and civic forum, in order to affect change in the daily choices people make as well as the values that are supported in our communities. My personal frustration started with a the non-intuitive, not user-friendly nature of the website interface. It continued at a Slow Dinner, which should have felt special and focused, and should have maximized the opportunity to appeal to a self-selected target group, but ended up feeling as if we could have been at any generic dinner event. And culminated in the confounding experience of the Taste marketplace, where the education component was too quiet and the event experience was frustrating to navigate. Needless to say I was desperately disappointed. I am so bothered by the differential between what it could have been and what it was, that I am completely dedicated to helping make it better in future iterations. Yours truly, An Impassioned Slow Observer
		Claim No.: 005020080909 To: Danny Kean, www.travelingpiano.com Claim: Heard you bang out a few bars while I was walking down Canal St in NY. Your boogie woogie rumble put a wide grin on my mug. [A reply has been posted]
		Claim No.: 005120080909 To: Minh at Minh's Garden Claim: Open the restaurant on Sunday. Sunday is the second busiest day of the week on Clement St. You're losing out on a lot of business. I've spoken to you and I know things are a bit slow. You initially started closing on Sundays to spend time at home with your young children. Those kids are now older no longer hanging around the home on Sundays. Close on Monday or Tuesday instead..these days are among the slowest.
		Claim No.: 006120080912 To: Telstar Logistics Claim: You claim to serve Air, Sea, Land and Space - ostensibly natural phenomena, or well, maybe just things that exist, whether man does or not. But in fact, you are primarily concerned with humankind and its industrial byproduct. The fact that man's production uses air, sea, land, space is almost incidental and fully for its own means. I think you should be honest.
		Claim No.: 001820080805 To: All housemakers who encourage carbon copy abodes Claim: I come from New Zealand where the trend of suburbs full of identical houses is only just getting into full swing. Apart from my personal dislike of their uninteresting aesthetic, it is a horribly inefficient use of space and, despite everyone seemingly being "equal," quashes all sense of community.
		Claim No.: 002820080822 To: Sonoma City Council Claim: To support the trend towards healthier, locally grown food, lower transportation costs, and reduce the city's carbon footprint the Sonoma City Council proposed a measure to allow residents to keep 16 chickens (but no roosters--too noisy) and 8 rabbits (sex unspecified). Before the proposal goes to a final vote, I suggest they seek expert advice--maybe from a biology teacher at a local high school. Because even to the agriculturally unsophisticated that sounds a lot like a recipe for ending up with 1,000,000 rabbits and no chickens.
		Claim No.: 003820080905 To: Michigan Claim: Michigan is my favorite state. It has had its share of troubles over the past couple of years and I am hoping this postcard will be a turning point for this wonderful state.
		Claim No.: 004120080906 To: Manager, Acme Market Claim: In your professional opinion, why do you think it took mayonnaise so long to come up with the squeeze bottle? Mustard's been hip to this for half a century.
		Claim No.: 003120080904 To: City Attorney Julie O. Bru, Miami, FL Claim: Based on the New York Times' recent reporting on the peacocks of Micanopy Ave., it seems clear that "peacock infiltration" has officially occurred. And that you must, therefore, act. The artist Rachel Goodyear offers a practical suggestion for how to control these insidiously conceited animals. Related: The people of La Cañada Flintridge, terrorized by peacocks
		Claim No.: 003220080904 To: www.EarthClassMail.com Claim: Is nothing sacred to you people? I LIKE opening my mail. I don't want to pay a monthly fee so I can access my real mail fakely on the Internet. I don't even want other people to only look at their mail online. Are you going to let me pay to eat my tuna sandwich virtually too? Please have some respect for the real world. Save the mail.
		Claim No.: 003020080830 To: Yolanda Baez, Bluefly.com shipment packing specialist Claim: In an episode of his TV show, Mr. Monk writes a letter to (and later, sensing that something is wrong, visits and solves a case on behalf of) shirt Inspector No. 8. Of all those who inspect the only shirts Mr. Monk ever buys, No. 8 is his favorite, which he demonstrates in a department store by sifting through and unwrapping an entire stack of shirts in search of her work. The text of his letter reads: "Dear Inspector #8, I wish to express my deepest and warmest thanks for your stunning performance as clothing inspector. It's a pleasure to deal with someone who possesses such artistic integrity. Your job aptitude is something to be admired and inspired by. Every item which passes your inspection is impeccably produced and presented. The buttons are perfectly straight. The stitching is even and orderly. There are no hanging or pulled strings, marks or wrinkles. The finished product is perfectly folded... Thank you again. My appreciation knows no bounds. Sincerely, Adrian Monk" I know how Mr. Monk feels (in a less OCD way). I have purchased more clothing from Bluefly.com than I care to admit, and I can say without reservation that you are my favorite shipment packing specialist. Every order you have ever sent me has been perfect. Thank you.

All images copyright Tucker Nichols